I’ve had a few impersonal conversations with some feminists about them believing virgins, or women who strive for virginity, are insecure because they put all of their worth in their virginity and in patriarchal expectations of purity. I’ve seen it several times in the feminist tag, and have even been the object of their scrutiny a few times, for only having been with one person and trying to keep it that way.

My personal experience is that there is a lot of pressure put on women to stay virgins until marriage, having gone to a Christian private school with absolutely ridiculous and completely laughable sex education classes. I do accept virginity as a good, completely personal life choice for those who find it important and fitting to their own opinion of morality, and this is what I’ve done for myself. But I do think that the religious need to stop acting like it’s the end of the world when a woman loses her virginity if it’s not done in the way they think it should be done. What’s done is done and can’t be undone, and it should be the individual’s own personal business, unless she chooses to make it someone else’s business.

I’m personally on both sides of the fence (which seems to be my motto in life), being hated by the anti-virginity feminists and being criticized by other Christians for not being “properly” married, because as an anarchist, my marriage is not registered with the government and I’ve never put importance on mixing my religion with the government. Because of this, I’ve been accused of “shacking up” in a two and half year relationship and it’s basically been implied that I’m a whore. So I do see the problems that come with religous aspects of virginity, but it’s the fault of the religious, not the physical aspect of virginity itself.

I’ve witnessed Christian girls shamefully hiding their past physical experiences and bragging about their technical virginity until marriage, sometimes all in the same hypocritical, insecure person. So I do see how some feminists, or even just individual people not belonging to a movement, could think of virginity as an insecure concept, but it doesn’t apply to everyone, it applies to girls that let others decide what kind of person they are and should be, and let other people decide their worth.

Ridiculing or putting down women for choosing to limit their sex partners is the opposite of choice, and shows that some feminists actually do put a lot of importance in sex, though they claim it’s no big deal. If they’d stick to anti-shaming, in regards to both virginity and promiscuity, and call out the ones who don’t, their case on sexual activity would be a whole lot stronger.